Friday Funny~ May 16th 2014

What do you get if you cross a collie with a rose?

A collie flower!

This may be one of my hardest posts yet (Mental Health week 2014)

   Since this week is mental health week I felt it would be fitting to tell you all something about myself. I have thought about sharing this before but I guess I'm nervous to see what everyone says. I like many others ( actually likely everyone) have a phobia. Come on you have a fear or phobia as well right? Some of us have fears and some of has phobias, phobias that prevent us from going about our normal routine or working towards some type of goal.
        Well my phobia is actually considered unique, so unique that at times I feel people ultimately think I am making it up. This is one of the main reasons I havent shared this before now, people just seem to act like it is nothing. It is something that is normal for almost everyone and not many people like what I am afraid of but they can get through it quite easily in comparison to myself. My phobia wasn't even recognized as a phobia for some time, but it is said that 10%-20% suffer from this phobia.
        This phobia is.... Trypanophobia. Now I know a lot of you are thinking "and that is...?" Trypanophobia is the fear of injections/needles, it is closely related to aichmophobia ( fear of sharp or pointed objects), Algophobia ( fear of pain), Belonephobia (abnormal fear of sharp pointed objects), Enetophobia ( fear of pins), and Vaccinophobia ( fear of vaccines). Which when I first heard all six of these I was thinking holy which one does mine fit under? I continued to think about which one for a few years but I am not a doctor so I wasn't sure. I understand that rarely anyone LIKES getting needles, but like many trypanophobics my fear that grew into a phobia stemmed off of a traumatic experience that happened before age ten. Which I am sure to many adults something that may seem traumatic to a child under ten isn't seen as traumatic. So I guess this is where the story really begins, the hard to talk about experience that has lead to this. Here goes...

          I was about five years old and had the typical general childhood dislike of needles. It was time for my "booster shots" and I had gone with my grandparents to the doctors. After some bribing from my grandmother telling me they would help me be big & strong and reminding me they were both getting shots as well, I gave in and sat on the crinkly paper with a bit of a pout and waited for the doctor to come so I could be done. When it finally came time to do the needles I held my grandfathers hand and looked at my grandma sitting on the other side of the room. The doctor stuck the needle in my arm, which that alone was new as it always happened in my thigh. Then a few seconds later he swore and said that was the wrong needle, pulled it out and left the room. By this point I was already teary from the needle but not full out crying. I got down off the table and sat in a chair in the corner, I likely figured I was done and free now. A nurse came in and told my grandparents I had received part of their needle. (I assume it wasn't a bad thing and I just got extra something) a little while later the doctor came back and told me I needed to get back on the table so I could have my needles. Which I Ofcourse said "no I got my needle". After finally processing in my mind that I wasn't done I started to cry. What happened next is where I feel things went wrong and pushed my general dislike towards the phobia level. He walked over to the corner chair I was in, picked me up threw me up on the table where I continued crying. He called in his two nurses and had them hold me down on the table while he gave me my shots as I screamed at the top of my lungs as if I were being killed (according to my grandmother). After the needles the nurses let go and he put me back on my chair and proceeded with my grandparents needles as I continued freaking out in the chair. As my grandmother has told me I screamed and screamed until we were out of the doctors building and I finally was calm enough to talk to. Just typing this part of my trypanophobia story has me feeling dizzy, angry, teary, and like my heart is racing right to my stomach.

       I'll tell you I was VERY happy when my mom told me I was done needles for about four more years. Also very happy that I didn't need to see that doctor often. By the time the next round had come along my doctor was retiring so I only had to embarrass myself in front of him one more time. By this point I was bigger and stronger and hoping I wouldn't need the needles. But obviously I did. So after some screaming, crying and trying to hide he finally got me to agree to sit on the table. He promised it wouldn't hurt and I believed him. In my opinion he lied it did so hurt! Which of course resulted in yet another meltdown from yours truly. He retired and I didn't see him ever again. I was finally feeling free from this fear that just kept growing.

   Years past and I  ended up getting to slip by with going to walk-in clinics when I was sick. I didn't have a doctor calling me in for needles etc. I was free that is until grade 7 when the HB & HPV vaccines came along, which I was sad to discover happened in the schools whether you had a doctor or not. I remember freaking out in class when the teacher had explained to us what was happening next week. I ran out of class and hid in the bathroom. My teacher ended up coming to find me and see what was wrong and brought me back to class. The day for dose one of the vaccines came up and I woke up feeling sick ( from being so worried). I did everything I could think of to make myself hot to ensure my mom would believe I had a fever and therefore couldn't go to school nor get that vaccine. I ended up getting to stay home and remember hiding out in my room most of the day trying to figure out how to make sure I wouldn't get that needle. As well as stuck with a mix of feelings, guilty for not going, scared, nervous, happy, confused. Eight weeks went by and the date for does two came up. I figured I couldn't get does #2 if I hadn't had the first so I sat in class doing my work like everything was fine. Until my classmate came in from her needle and said they wanted me next. I took the long way to the room as i begin worrying and claimed i got lost. I got to the room to discover they had five other students getting their needles as well  GREAT! Now I get to embarrass myself in front of everyone. I knew I couldn't get out of it, I couldn't just leave school, my only choice was to go in. I also didn't feel like I had the choice not to panic. I started breathing heavily, sweating, choking back tears. Luckily a nurse in the room tried to distract me saying she needed some help separating band-aids which gave me a few extra minutes. But the panic didn't stop there, I fainted. straight out of the chair, my face on the floor. Which my classmates had thought I was going to the hospital as did I, I was escorted to the teachers lounge where I was told to lie down on the couch. So now I was a sweaty, teary, embarrassed grade seven girl feeling defeated by none other than myself. I ended up getting the vaccine that day in the teacher lounge and missing some of class while I calmed down while being monitored by the nurses. Months later dose #2 time came around and i was called to the office ( I was now in grade 8 and the nurses were back doing grade 7 vaccines again). After a pep talk from a friend I tried to just face it. I thought I was alright until  just after the injection the nurse questioned if I was feeling okay and noted I looked pale. So once again panic had set in and I spent the day with the nurses lying down on a mat in the corner. Which did get me out of the still optional Meningococcal vaccine. 

       High school I got to slide by again with just the odd visit to the walk-in and slowly got comfortable with the school nurse through volunteering as she didn't give needles so I was able to remain fairly calm around her, as well as other school nurses I have met through volunteering. Any other nurse or doctor still automatically made me feel uneasy even just driving by my old doctors office. I even got worried when I found out my neighbors mom works in the hospital and does blood draws. Then found out the lady across the street is a nurse as well and it's like I automatically don't even know how to talk to her anymore. Though the other part of me knows I want to. 

     My trypanophobia has been getting worse and worse since the event as a child to the point its attempting to really ruin my life.The main problem? No one seems to believe me, including the nurses & doctors who often give me lines like: " no one like needles", " It won't hurt", "I'll be gentle", " Don't be a baby", " were doing this even if we have to force you". Thanks for the support... NOT! I even took extra semesters in high school because I found out for my college program I needed to get a blood test, a TB test, and any extra vaccines for whatever the blood test shows I'm not immune to. I ended up going to college and shortly after college began it was time for the immunizations. I figured I would be okay I was in college now, apparently not so. My mom even tried getting a former co-worker who had just completed nursing school to come over and show putting needles in oranges trying to make me see its's fine. That just resulted in me in tears, trying to breathe,dizzy and hiding in my room sitting on the floor. Just talking in class about the tb test and blood test in class I started to freak out. Luckily one of my two best friends was able to come with me to the medical center on campus for the tb test. She finally helped me get enough strength to face the TB Test and I got into the cubby with the nurse, to find out i'm also going to get booster shots. Great make that now three needles..... I remember starting to sweat as the nurse handed me the paper explaining the side effects of the vaccines, but I couldn't tell you one darn thing on those papers because before I knew it I was dizzy, hot, repeating " No,no,no,no,no" and holding onto the chair I was sitting on. I did end up getting all three done that day, after some time and was feeling "off" for the rest of the day. 

       A month later I had to go get that blood test done.... A day I still regret even though my memory is faint and I only know what happened from a friend who came with me for support. I think I officially lost my entire mind.that day. In short it was a lot of F bombs coming from my mouth, hot, then cold, dizzy, then nauseous, spacing out... everything. I even at one point hit the nurse. Not fully on purpose as I would NEVER hit anyone, we think it was because I was pushing her hand away in a flailing panic and she got her face to close. Of course I did apologize as well and she said it was fine I feel so bad! Not to mention feeling bad as in sick, bruised, and bleeding. Incase you were wondering I HATE NEEDLES!

     And the most recent episode? A few weeks after that blood test I got called into the clinic on campus as the blood test results were in. It was supposed to just be discussing the results, but NOPE surprise! Remember the HB vaccines in grade 7/8? Guess who wasn't immune after all that? ME! After the nurse telling me this she says " Lets just get it done now'. I'm sure you all know by now what happened... PANIC! BUT wait.... for the FIRST time in a LONG time the nurse noticed. She stopped dropped everything she was preparing looked me in the eye and said "What's wrong" I told her I am really scared. and then she looked at me and asked " Have you ever fainted?" Simple as that we started to have some understanding! She found a spot for me to lie down, talked with me a bit and tried her best to distract me while she did the needle. She sat with me for the first few minutes after the needle and talked to me about how I was feeling and questioning the fear. This is when I started to have confirmation of Trypanophobia because, for once this nurse truly saw the fear, the panic, the discomfort, and took the time to try and make me more comfortable. I continued to lie down for 20 minutes as the nurse wanted to ensure I was okay and she booked me an appt with the dr on campus for that afternoon. She had explained to the doctor what had happened and we talked a bit about it, looked at some pictures, and talked about a few scenarios. Then I finally heard the words from the only two people in the medical field that I have come in contact with that believe in this phobia....
 "Associative Trypanophobia". Finally someone who doesn't brush it off and realizes this isn't just a dislike and that it is getting worse! They suggested I talk to my family doctor, which of course I didn't have one and finding one was difficult both from fear, and lack of doctors nearby.

Unfortunately since I have finished college I don't see the nurse or doctor on campus anymore. I'm still in the process of finding a DR who can help me. Heck even if the nurse believed and helped it would be better. But The truth of the matter is, doctors don't accept that needles do hurt, and many doctors and nurses don't believe it is a real phobia. Therefore making it more difficult for me to get over this phobia, there is very little support for trypanophobia and it's becoming a lifelong battle thats getting worse. I could potentially die form this phobia, because dr's and nurses are so rushed they don't see it, they don't believe it, leaving me alone & avoiding. Trypanophobia is controlling me, even tho I know it's just a needle ( or at times a few). 

Friday funny~ May 9th 2014

What does a bee get at Mcdonalds?

A Humburger

Thursday Quote Day~ May 8th 2014

"Always, always, always 

believe in yourself,

because if you don't,

then who will, sweetie?"

~Marilyn Monroe

It's Mental Health week....

     Did YOU know it's mental health week? Do you even care? You should! EVERYONE has mental health it's just like physical health, we all have it. Some have great health and some have some don't, someone might appear to have fairly good physical health looking at them but what about on the inside? Are they really "fine" when you ask them, are they secretly hiding something from the world in fear no one cares, no one will help, people will think its dumb? It's said that one in four people have a mental illness, maybe its a friend, a family member, or maybe its you. Mental illness will indirectly affect ALL Canadians at some time through a family member, friend, or colleague. Don't turn a blind eye to your mental health, to those surrounding you and take this chance to read a bit about it.

You can visit the mental health week webpage here  to get more information. 

Guess whos BACK?~ Update

Wow! I REALLY slacked on the blogging front seems as my last post was in January, almost 5 months ago! Truth is I got caught up in my final semester at school and prepping for graduation, which almost didnt happen... story for another day! I Have however been thinking about the blog and do have a few ideas as well as know I want to try and post here more often once again. I will tell you there will be & I promise this. a blog post (other than this one) THIS week! See you all soon! :)